Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Death On El Mero Dia De San Juan
This morning aroundI telephoned my Ma to wish her a happy Dia De San Juan. A tradition that started ever since the mid- 90's when we just moved to Tucson from the Mid-west. One of my mom's favourite singers, Antonio Aguilar, has a song about June 24th \ Dia De San Juan which has always reminds me of her.
WARNING:: THE REMAINDER OF THIS POST IS PRETTY DARK AS IT BROACHES SOME TABOO TOPICS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
It has been said that one of the most traumatic things that a person can experience is the unexpected discovery of a dead body. This happened to me as a child growing up on a Mid-Western farm. My brother and I were raising two kittens that my mom had found in a barn, to this day I have yet to see kittens as beautiful as these two.
One morning after letting the kittens sleep in their box in the barn versus their normal place in the house my brother and I discovered two lifeless kittens lying in their homes covered in their own blood.
We spent the remainder of the day and most of the next week crying and I didn't own a cat again until I was in my 20's.
Three years ago to this day a somewhat similar event happened to me. Now, before you think that it is weird that I recall this particular day in such vivid detail then I invite you to re-read the first paragraph about my Mom and the song.
I pulled into the driveway of my home where my then wife was standing next to her Mom's car shaking vigorously and crying uncontrollably while trying to smoke a cigarette. Long story short she told me that her and the girls moved out and she would be back at a future time to pick-up the remainder of her items. Anything I said after that was meaningless, her decision had been made and she was not turning back.
Shock and disbelief overcame me as I walked through a house that was vacant compared to how I had left it that day before work. A few broken toys were strewn here and when I made it to my daughter's nursery I stood with my hand on the doorknob for a good minute or so which seemed like at eternity before I decided to walk in.....
The carpet was covered in random debris and was in desperate need of vacuuming. Nails stuck out of the walls where appropriately themed photographs and pictures of the girls once hung. A few empty hangers hung in the closet and reality set in when I saw the carpet indentations from where there cribs once were.
I was too shocked to cry or have any other strong outward emotion. All I could think about was numbing the pain with a few cold ones that I went and picked up from the local grocer. I consumed drink after drink while staring at a near empty home which was no longer filled with the sounds the joy and the love of my twin then two year old daughters....
Over the past three years a lot has happened to me that may or may not had happened had I not experienced what I just wrote. The moral of the story is that as non-traditional as it sounds to most folks everything happens for a reason and if it was meant to be then it would have been.
Now, why do they say divorce is worse than death? In death the funeral is a sad time but usually just showcases the positive high points of a person's life. In divorce all the bad awful things about the other person is usually showcased and over analyzed on a frequent basis and one could constantly be reminded of this person when they interact regarding the children or for other reasons
It's not easy, but recall that better experiences await you as soon as you move on. If you are going through a similar situation than the one I went through, my heart reaches out to you and I suggest that you get help if you need it. A support system of friends and family is well and good but sometimes an outside perspective is what you need.
Until we read again,