Thursday, May 29, 2014

Honk If You're Happy

So on my drive I saw a billboard that read, "Honk If You're Happy".  I opted not to partake because I didn't want to alarm the post rush hour traffic but the billboard made me wonder.... 

When was the last time you were happy?   I mean truly,  genuinely happy?   Was it something your son or daughter said unexpectedly,  was it a time you benefitted from a random act of kindness from a complete stranger,  was it something cute a pet did, was it an awesome song that came across the radio, perhaps "Happy" by Pharrell?

Whatever it was, I urge you to obsessively think about those things either listed or unlisted that truly makes you happy.   After doing this for a good two to three days I urge you to come back to the blog and COMMENT on the results of this "experiment".

Until we read again,


p.s. Honk Of Your Happy =)

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Do You Constantly Should Yourself?

When was the last time you 'SHOULD' yourself?

"I SHOULD be making more money."
"I SHOULDN'T be living where I live."
"I SHOULD be living _______. "
"That SHOULDN'T have happened."
"By this stage in my life I SHOULD have been; married, living in a mansion, earning $XXX/anum, etc."

The problem with the word SHOULD is the unnecessary tension that it causes because we can SHOULD ourselves all day long but nothing can change the present moment so there is no reason to try to change anything by saying that we should.    The best way to change is to use the power of this moment to realise where you are, assess your current situation and continue by making the necessary changes to create your desired future.

The moral of today's story is to stop SHOULD-ING all over yourself because it smells bad and it does you or no one else any benefit.

Until we read again,


p.s.   Happy Memorial Day, special thanks to those men and women who served our country.
p.p.s.   I invite you to COMMENT and FOLLOW THE BLOG

Saturday, May 17, 2014

HASHTAG firstworldjoys

Over the course of the last few years the phenomena of the First World Problem / First World Pain, hereby FWP,  has been introduced into our culture.  A FWP is a petty annoyance that wouldn't be if we were living in a less developed county.

Now, FWPs are funny and a roundabout way of expressing gratitude, check out my earlier blog post on the topic, but are discussing FWPs really the best way to a happier life?

For approximately a week after my FWP post my days were riddled with an unusual amount of petty annoyances that I probably wouldn't rather have dealt with.  Did this have anything to do with my mini-obsession with FWPs or was it just a coincidence?  No one will ever no for sure.

One thing that's for certain is that when I began focusing on First World Joys, hereby FWJ, my life took an immediate step for the better. A FWJ is similar to a FWP in the sense that you are sharing something that happened to you however instead of attracting future problems you are attracting future happiness because of your evolved focus.

Some examples of FWJs could be:

°I found perfect parking at the shopping center today
°My kids said something super-duper funny today that had us laughing for hours
°Everyone was really nice to me today
°I found an awesome new blog today and I can't wait to read more

etc., I'm sure you get the picture.

Your mission if you choose to accept your own adventure this week is to start sharing and thinking about your FWJs versus your FWPs.

Until we read again,


p.s. WARNING: We are all familar with the "Misery Loves Company" types out there.  Be cautious when interacting with these folks because they despise hearing about good things happening to you or anyone else because in their paradigm of reality is that life sucks and happiness is fleeting.

p.p.s. Leave a comment because I am excited to see what you think.

p.p.p.s. #firstworldjoys

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Behind Closed Doors: The Private Lessons Of A Divorce Support Group

When going through my divorce a few years ago I always wanted to but never got around to joining a Divorce Support Group.   About four months ago after doing a basic Internet search for "Divorce Support Group" in my area I serrendipitiously found one that was starting that night, two blocks from my house in 30 minutes!

Lucky for me I was still dressed for work so I made my way over to the location.  All those in attendance received a workbook,  were strongly encouraged to give an optional donation and given a high level outline of the 12 week course.  I thought that I was pretty much over my divorce by this point but I figured that I might learn a thing or two from this course or if anything I could give advice to anyone going through a similar experience that I went through.

Last night was the final meeting for the group.   I did not attend all 12 sessions,  more like five.  I met some interesting individuals along the way.  There were a couple folks going through similar challenges as I was and went through.  There was a guy that was actually getting back with his ex wife after an almost nine month separation and finally there were a few folks that had been divorced for 15+ years, remarried for a little less time than they have been divorced and still lamenting over their first marriage.

Of all the people I met there was one that made the strongest impression despite only being present at three of the five classes I attended.  Let's call this guy Mark.

Mark was a rather helpful fellow.   He stayed about 15 minutes after the first session to tell me about this Men's Rights Group he was a part of and how I needed to join and how my daughter's mother was depriving me of a ton of my rights.

The next time I saw Mark just happened to be a day after one of his Men's Rights Group meetings.   He spent the entire beginning of the session and the majority of that night's session telling me how I had missed out on a life changing event the day before.   Before leaving for the night he gave me his e-mail addressee and telephone number and invited me to a study date,  if you will, with him and some of the other guys in his Men's Group that upcoming weekend.  Needless to say I didn't make it.

The next two sessions of the group were peaceful and productive without Mark there.  Everyone was calm,  respectful and encouraging.

Fast forward to last night.  I showed up about five minutes late to a positive happy group of people and pizza for the last night.  Everyone got settled and just as class was going to start.... who came walking in but Mark...

Mark boorishly helped himself to a few slices of pizza while complaining about how bad traffic was and how parking was impossible.   When the mediator asked him how he was he commenced to tell us about all the horrors of his life while eating his free pizza with his mouth open and belching liberally in between words.

Mark's biggest gripe was about how he had been unemployed for about a year.  When members of the group chimed in to offer assistance he would push away any advice by making statements such as; "I know about that," "I've tried that, " "All the jobs are for college grads," ect.

I was on the verge of leaving during the session at several points but decided out of respect to the rest of the group that I would stick around.  Mark was on a roll the rest of the evening, making negative generalizations like they were going out of style,  complaining about anything,  interrupting others all while burping liberally and eating an entire sleeve of store brand cookies.

Finally the entire rest of the group non-verbally agreed to end the session.   We wished each other well and I ducked into the bathroom on the way out of our meeting room to avoid having to re-hear all about Mark's woes.

Now the purpose of this post is not to complain about Mark but to give you a perfect example of how NOT to act.  I wish Mark nothing but the best and hope he finds his path in life.

The morals to today's story are::

● Listen more than you speak because someone may just be trying to tell you the one thing that you are needing to hear.

● Don't interrupt others when they are talking (see the first bullet )

● Use your manners

● When speaking in a group setting only share things that you also think will also benefit others.  If you are talking just to hear yourself speak than do everyone a favor next time by staying home and practicing in front of a mirror

● Last and definitely not least I want to honor the late great Dale Carnegie and his book How To Win Friends & Influence People by reminding everyone NOT to Criticize,  Condemn or Complain because it does no good.

Until we read again,


p.s.  No offense to you if you are anything like Mark.  That may have been me just a few years ago. Just be cognizant how your actions affect others and of the energy you are putting out into the world.

p.p.s. Don't be a Mark.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

WARNING : World's Most POWERFUL Break-up Songs

The following eight songs are all but guaranteed to make you mentally re-live some of your fondest memories with your ex and\or cast you into a bout of mid to severe depression which may lead to mild or severe use of drugs and\or alcohol. (ha, ha) 

Without further adieu, in no particular order......


Appreciate the read, trust you enjoyed the list.  Please include any songs that may have been missed below.

Until we read again,


Saturday, May 10, 2014

How Divorce Is Like Driving Off The Side Of A Steep Cliff

So, you're going through a divorce and the person whom you once loved more than sliced bread (and\or their divorce attorney) is being difficult to deal with.  Now there are a variety of reasons why someone may feel this way but unfortunately mind-reading is not my forte.

One thing that I have discovered is that there are two main ways to look at a situation;  A/ You view a problem as inevitable so you spend all your energy focused on managing what you perceive to be inevitable or B/ You view most problems as avoidable so you spend your energy on avoiding problems or quickly eliminating a problem after it arrives.   Once you've determined the other sides philosophy on problems you can just alter your strategy accordingly.

Take for example a long windy road along the side of a mountain that at one point is near a cliff that drops 44 feet to the hard rocky ground below.  One day almost entirely out of the blue two out of every three drivers who take this road drives off the side of the cliff at the 44 foot spot meaning only 33% of the folks that drive this road make it home safely.

Taking the above example a "B" problem solver might find it wise to keep a trained fleet of ambulances at the bottom of the hill to quickly take care of all of the drivers who take the treacherous 44 foot drop.  Whereas an "A" problem solver might suggest that a strong barrier be places alongside the side off the road where all the drivers have been driving off to prevent any future injuries or casualties.

There is an obvious best way to solve this situation which would definitely prevent the most pain.  However,  if you are dealing with someone who thinks things differently then you may want to plan accordingly.

Until we read again ,


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Future Nostalgia Vs. Past Regret

Besides the inevitable glorious present moment where do you spend a majority of your time?  Are you reliving a past event(s) or are you fantasizing about a glorious future?

Since the theme of this blog is divorce let's use that as an example.  In this day in age it is safe to say that you've either been through/ are going through or know of someone or someone who knows someone who has gone through an imperfect divorce.  Today we're going to discuss two ways in which a person can navigate through this dreadful life-altering event and let you decide the best philosophy moving forward....


This person re-lives and re-tells the most horrific moments of their divorce on at least a daily basis.  Bless the poor soul that happens to be in earshot when this divorcee is in story telling mode.

The saddest thing about this approach with coping for divorce is that although this may feel therapeutic at first this approach will only lead to making the situation worse.  Because not only is this person constantly dealing with unnecessary toxic feelings they are not allowing themselves to move on and maybe alienating those closest to them.  Last time I checked most folks would rather spend their time with positive uplifting people because we all have our own problems to deal with.

If you are anyone you know is taking this doom & gloom vindictive approach to their divorce there is full permission to STOP and move on.


Divorce is an invasive and traumatic experience for most so a happy approach may seem a little wacky especially when there are children or complicated matters involved.  Think about your divorce as something that was supposed to happen and like your height or skincolour something that you are not able to do anything about.

That being said accept what is and spend your time thinking about the applicable happy things awaiting you in your new future.  Whether this be more time alone to work on yourself or a career endeavor, meeting the perfect for you partner or showing your children that divorced parents can still work as a cohesive unit.

In summary, besides being present and fully taking advantage of this moment you can;  a/ continuously replay a horrid past or b/ get nostaligic and excited about those moments that await.

Until we read again,


p.s.  The fact that I spent over two years being bitter and vindictive after my divorce with my childrens mother makes me perfectly qualified to write this article.  Only because, I want the best for you and your life...

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Free First World Problems

In a world full of the Law of Attraction it's amazing how many people think that complaining is cool.
I remember how much I laughed when I first heard about the concept of a "First World Problem" which is what only someone in a developed nation would consider a problem.  I laughed even harder when I thought about my four, yes four first world problems that I endured today.....
#1 First World Problem
No meat was served at breakfast  (which was free) just carbs; pastries, fruit and bread.   Plus the free coffee was poured in a small, measly styrofoam cup versus self-pour.
#2 First World Problem
I got a free deluxe car wash during my lunch hour and when I left work it looked like it was going to rain and a bird left a huge surprise on my hood.    :-\  Judging by the size of the surprise it may just have been a Pterodactyl.
#3 First World Problem
I had a free burrito waiting for me when I came back from my lunch but it was incredibly, almost unbearably salty and it had refried beans which are not my favourite.
#4 First World Problem
My computer didn't work so I had to write this on my smart phone.
Now, either myself or anyone else who experienced these "problems" could have mentally focused on:
* How much your breakfast and lunch fell short of your expectations.
* How annoying it would've been if it had rained on your 100% Free Deluxe Car Wash and the hassle of having to clean up some unexpected bird droppings from your perfectly washed hood.
*How much your computer sucks and how you wished you could throw it out the window.
Or you could focus on:
* How lucky you are to not only get free coffee, but to get free breakfast, lunch AND a car wash!
* How much you love the smell and sound of the rain and how you might just see an awesome rainbow or rainbows!
* How it's time to get a new computer anyway and start shopping around for the latest and greatest new technologies.   :-)
Millionaire author T. Harv Ecker has an awesome quote from one of his books that paraphrased reads "If you focus on the crap you become a living, breathing crap magnet."  
The moral of todays story is that you can focus on the dark side of your first world problems or you can focus on the bright side of them and on life.
The choice is totally yours.
Until we read again.....

Top Eight Feel Good Break-Up Songs

Breaking up may or may not be the easiest thing that you have ever gone through but music can make it easier.

These eight songs are presented in no particular order and could be great songs to help you get over that pesky ex or to sing on karaoke night.

Please comment and feel free to add suggestions!

Thank you for reading.

Top Eight Feel Good Break-Up Songs

  • What Goes Around Comes Back Around by Justin Timberlake
  • Cry Me A River by Michael Buble
  • Don't Want You Back by Backstreet Boys
  • Beautiful Day by Michael Buble
  • Here For A Good Time by George Strait
  • Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks
  • Bye, Bye, Bye by N'Sync
  • Forget You* by Cee Lo Green

*Look for the alternate name for this song (warning - strong language)