Besides the inevitable glorious present moment where do you spend a majority of your time? Are you reliving a past event(s) or are you fantasizing about a glorious future?
Since the theme of this blog is divorce let's use that as an example. In this day in age it is safe to say that you've either been through/ are going through or know of someone or someone who knows someone who has gone through an imperfect divorce. Today we're going to discuss two ways in which a person can navigate through this dreadful life-altering event and let you decide the best philosophy moving forward....
THE VINDICTIVE DIVORCEE
This person re-lives and re-tells the most horrific moments of their divorce on at least a daily basis. Bless the poor soul that happens to be in earshot when this divorcee is in story telling mode.
The saddest thing about this approach with coping for divorce is that although this may feel therapeutic at first this approach will only lead to making the situation worse. Because not only is this person constantly dealing with unnecessary toxic feelings they are not allowing themselves to move on and maybe alienating those closest to them. Last time I checked most folks would rather spend their time with positive uplifting people because we all have our own problems to deal with.
If you are anyone you know is taking this doom & gloom vindictive approach to their divorce there is full permission to STOP and move on.
THE GAY (HAPPY) DIVORCEE
Divorce is an invasive and traumatic experience for most so a happy approach may seem a little wacky especially when there are children or complicated matters involved. Think about your divorce as something that was supposed to happen and like your height or skincolour something that you are not able to do anything about.
That being said accept what is and spend your time thinking about the applicable happy things awaiting you in your new future. Whether this be more time alone to work on yourself or a career endeavor, meeting the perfect for you partner or showing your children that divorced parents can still work as a cohesive unit.
In summary, besides being present and fully taking advantage of this moment you can; a/ continuously replay a horrid past or b/ get nostaligic and excited about those moments that await.
Until we read again,
p.s. The fact that I spent over two years being bitter and vindictive after my divorce with my childrens mother makes me perfectly qualified to write this article. Only because, I want the best for you and your life...