Why I Am The Greatest Dad In The World #sarcasm

Why Your Kids May Not Think That Your Sarcasm Is Funny

 About a month ago a learned that children do not understand sarcasm because their minds have not developed past the point where they only view things literally.     I also just read a fascinating study on sarcasm out of the University of Manitoba which determined that children can understand sarcasm at the age of six but doesn't really develop the ability to be able to detect it until sometime past the age of 10.    I actually have some friends that are well into their 40's that don't get sarcasm so it obviously varies as to what age sarcasm will be understood. 

This information made be feel like the most inept parent in the world.    I beat myself up constantly by telling myself that I should have already known this information (I don't know how I should have but i just should have).  Now it all makes sense.    When I have parenting time with my twin daughters, I am very loving and laid-back with them.    My voice is never raised and there has only been one incident to date where a Time Out was called for.     

The curious thing about all of this was that when my girls were with their mother they would tell her that I was 'mean' and just 'said mean things to them' all the time.    Their mother, let's call her Satan (ha ha like the sarcasm?) has a field day with this and just goes on and  on as to how I am a bad father how my own kids hate me, blah blah blah, etc etc.   For those of you that have read my other posts might know a little bit about the possible Parental Alienation situation so there just may be more of something going on here but then again, there might not be. 

Maybe the girls just thought that me calling them 'stinky', what I intended to be an endearing nickname, and 'comedians', another endearing nickname I called  them because they are just so darn funny and just naturally say the silliest things, to be just downright mean and hurtful.    I mean little five year old girls should be sweet lovely little princesses that ride unicorns from cloud to cloud not fetid little boys that play in the mud with bugs and worms.     Also, I don't think that they knew what a comedian really was so they just took it as a derogatory term. 

The moral of the story is that I am glad that I learned that children are very black and white literal thinkers (see PS)  until the age of six when they first start to grasp the concept of sarcasm.    I have started communicating with my daughters in a more literal fashion since I heard this information and I have noticed that they have been happier.    If you are a sarcastic and speak to your children with sarcasm you can obviously continue to do so, you don't really have to stop if you don't want to.   However, if you try it you might like the results. 

Until we read again, 

Jaxon

p.s.    If you have read anything about the Law of Attraction (LOA)   over the past few years you may know the general concept(s).    Did you know that they say that the subconscious takes in information in a very black and white fashion very similar to a five year old.     There is a TON of information out there regarding the LOA.   If you are interested in learning more I would recommend you visit the following link because this fellow explains everything in a  more straight forward fashion than most of his counterparts. 

Parental Alienation On The First Day Of Kindergarten

How To Cut Through Parental Alienation Like A Chainsaw Through A Shark Storm*

It was the first day of the 2011 NFL football season.   I woke up on my brother's couch, I had gone out of town to spend the weekend with him and some friends.   After a quick shower I decided to grab a beverage at a ubiquitous coffee shoppe because my brother was still asleep and there was at least an hour or so before the start of the first game. 

The gentleman in front of me in the coffee shoppe line was carrying a beautiful squirmy baby girl who was probably between one and two years old.    As soon as this little girl looked at me her face lit up and she automatically started cooing, giggling and reaching for me,   Under normal circumstances I would have just smiled and started a conversation with her father but today was completely different. 

There I was walking outside the parking lot wiping away robust tears of sorrow.    When the little girl reached for me in the coffee shoppe I just completely lost it emotionally and started crying like a child who just found out that their little puppy dog got run over by a truck and broke it's back in multiple places.

The reason that I wept in public was because that was the day that my twin daughters turned three and I was legally unable to see them because of an Order of Protection my then wife had placed on me while we were separated.   The order prevented me from coming within a certain radius of her which is why I just decided to go out of town.   I  fruitlessly attempted to reach out to a few of her relatives asking them to send me photographs of my daughters or even have them telephone me to at least sing them
Happy Birthday".   Long story to short I didn't hear from my girls for at least three weeks after their birthday and never heard back from any of their mother's relatives. 

FAST FORWARD TO LAST SUNDAY

I was watching Sharknado #2 while trying to coordinate dropping my daughters off on the first day of kindergarten that Monday morning with their mother.    The daughters mother and I divorced soon after their third birthday.  She had the Order of Protection removed and I was even invited to the girls "Meet The Teacher" night the week prior so I didn't find it odd to ask if we could coordinate both being there for the twins being dropped off to school the next day.    In hindsight, I should have just showed up without a heads up because I did anyway. 

After two unanswered e-mails and a few unanswered texts I received the following string of messages late Sunday evening: 

"Interesting" I thought, here's another event that my daughter's other parent did not want me to be a part of a milestone event.   Long story short I just went to the girls school the next morning.   Against my best hindsight judgement I attempted to phone and text their mother a few times to see where they were at but did not get any response. 

Eventually, I found my daughters.   Wished them well, told them how much fun they were going to have and took some Pulitzer Prize winning photographs of them before their first day of kindergarten.  

The moral of the story (aka.   How To Cut Through Parental Alienation Like A Chainsaw Through A Shark Storm):

• Don't Always Assume That The Opposing Parent Is Attempting To Alienate Your Child(ren) Regardless of Past History:  Yes, I know that my daughter's mother was trying to push the girls away from me by making it illegal for me to attend their third birthday party as she confessed under oath in divorce court.  However, I wasn't sure that this is what she was doing for their first day of kindergarten. It may have been what she was doing but I didn't know that.                             Negative assumptions have a way of just causing worthless anger which could lead to a bad toxic environment.   Now I could have gotten  super upset about Sunday night's text and sent a really angry, vile hateful written message via e-mail or text giving her a piece of my mind.                                     Or I could have showed up to the school before the first day and bawled by ex out in front of my children and all other kids, parents and teachers and negatively affect EVERYONEs day, not just my daughters.    In summary, just focus on controlling yourself and your relationship with your child(ren) because there is nothing that you can do to change or control the behaviour of the opposing parent whether or not they are exhibiting alienating actions. 
• Focus Only On What You Can Do And Take The High Road:   The first time someone told me about the "high road" concept I thought that they had fallen off their rocker mainly because I used to act as an emotional linebacker who was highly proficient of traveling the low road.  So much so that I prided myself in acting in this manner and re-telling tales in a braggadocios fashion to whoever wanted to or I thought was listening.   In a nutshell when you act from the high road you do what is best for the situation and you focus on yourself and what you can control.    I could have just not shown up for my daughter's first day of kindergarten and then proceed to tell my children that I wasn't there because their mom wouldn't let me go or that I tried to call but since their mother didn't answer I didn't know where to go so I just didn't go.    In summary; focus on what's important and what you can do.   Excluding some extreme situations, which unfortunately do exist to a degree, you do not need the alienating\opposing parent's permission to be a good parent for your child. 

Until we read again, 

Jaxon

p.s.   I am not a therapist nor do I claim to be an expert in Parental Alienation.   One thing I do claim is three plus years of experience in that type  of environment and have picked up a handful of insights over that time frame.   Feel free to reach out to me if you are going through a similar situation and want to talk to someone who has gone through a similar situation and possibly could help. >> jaxonxw@gmail.com